The Turning of the Wheel

So.  On December 17, 2015 my grandmother died.

I realized immediately that in our culture it is really difficult for many people to express sympathy when an extremely elderly person passes.   I mean, 97 years, are you going to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, she died too soon?"  Most people did do rather well with a simple "I'm so sorry for your loss."  That actually worked really well.  I committed it to memory for future use.

Because it was OUR loss, not hers.  No way did she want to be in a nursing home, dependent on others for her most basic needs.  In no way would she have thrived in an environment where others determined her getting up, her eating, her lying down, her bathroom breaks.  The very thought makes me shudder.

We were privileged that she had 5 living children who took turns caring for her.  In the last two months of her life, someone checked on her every day, multiple times a day.  She was content, she smiled and laughed, and she played Yahtzee.  But she couldn't go to church anymore, and toward the end, she became more and more tired by routine trips for breakfast out at her two favorite places.  Her appetite dwindled.  Deep down, I think we all knew we were approaching something decisive.

It came with congestive heart failure - that insidious killer that sneaks up on the fragile and less mobile.  It came with no outward symptoms of swelling and no obvious signs other than the increasing tiredness.  Even on her final trip to the hospital, she was peeved with her children for calling the ambulance.  But only a few short hours later, she was essentially nonresponsive.

With each death of someone who has always been in my life, I grow ever more conscious of time.  I'm so privileged to have had my grandmother for nearly 50 years, and for my children to have known her well.  The last two months in which I visited her several times a week and sat just watching TV or talking - or listening - were a gift beyond price, because it made me realize how many years I'd not made that kind of time.  I was glad to be able to do that before it was too late.